I haven't forgotten you

We've been sadly, sadly neglecting you, I know. I wish I could tell you that it's been because I've been busy with fabulous adventures but sadly, that's not the case. It's been work, work, and more work, and in between there's this little election going on in the U.S.

Still, I have time to think about things for you.

I didn't dress up this Halloween, but many many times in the past I've laced myself into a corset, put on a wig, amped up the makeup and transformed myself into someone else for display, for your amusement and viewing pleasure. I've been an angel, a devil, a pirate queen and several comic book characters.

I dream delicious mixed-costume fantasies, my pirate meeting a space cowboy, zombie makeup mingling with my glitter lipstick, down a dark New Orleans alley on our third night of costumed revelry. Pretending we each don't know who the other is.

I want to wake up with bits of my costume strewn across the floor, makeup smudges and round ringed bruises and the last bits of the night's drinking clouding our heads, and feed each other candy to chase away the hangover.

But instead I am haunted not by ghosts but by memories of holidays past spent in the arms of various loves. I can taste them now as much as I can the sugar sweetness of the chocolates I sublimate desires with. Skin of one, thinly coated with sweat, mouth of another, flavored with beer and something slightly tangy, and the seed of yet another, that bitter salty flavor slightly different each time.

They all wore costumes, not just for Halloween, but every day. Put themselves together an identity from bits and pieces lying around, a scrap of rock star here, a piece of athlete there, sculpted bodies and personae to hide their hearts in.

When we dress up for Halloween, do we really just let out a piece of ourselves that we were keeping hidden?